Down and Out

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A mantra I am, and have been repeating to myself for it seems weeks now.

We have had two nights in a row of intense labour, not too painful, but regular and strong contractions for at least 3 hours at a time. Right in the middle of the night. It gets to a point where I am too tired to stay up anymore to count, and then they subside as I am sleeping and I wake up to nothing. I am grateful – I mean, I want this to be as natural as possible, and no chemical inductions leading to other procedures. I am grateful to my husband and midwives who have been amazing through this.

6 am this morning found me bawling my eyes out in the bathroom because things had stopped, AGAIN. It is frustrating. Last night I was sure it was going to happen – we even dropped Mo off at our amazing friends place for the night after dinner. I had been to the midwife earlier in the day to get my membranes stripped and things were starting already. And they went – good and strong from 8pm till about 130am… and then went on and off for the rest of the night.

Now, I need to curb my addiction to the stopwatch, and perhaps just let it be without fretting or worrying. I do know that my body is working hard to bring this baby into the world, and for that I am grateful and happy it knows how to do that. But i find it hard with all the well wishes and phone calls to not feel the pressure, from me – and from anyone else. Also knowing how things could go if we go past-due makes me quake in fear to be honest. I feel there is a time-line here.

Today we slept, a great sleep for most of the day, and I am ready again – to start. Perhaps this night will bring us a baby, or just another sleepless night – or maybe nothing – who knows.

Another thing I do know is – she WILL arrive, and we are ready for her whenever she does.

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