One month ago I was terrified of going back to work.
Once month ago I thought our lives would fall apart, I would be a blubbering mess and my kids would immediately become dysfunctional because I was suddenly not around ALL the time.
One month ago I may have been a little off-centre, or self-centred, or psychotic (or all of the above).
Truth is, my kids are fine. They miss me, and I them – but they truly enjoy their time at school and daycare. I am excited to see them at the end of my day – and I do not get as frustrated with them, as I was prone to when we were in each others faces and spaces all the time. Being at work makes me treasure the time I do have more than when I was off in a funny way. Do I wish my days were shorter? YES. Do I wish I could work 4 days instead of 5 – YES! But, it seems my husband is much more capable than I ever gave him credit for and has mastered the art of getting our son on the bus and off to school, and to being home when he needs to be and picking up when he has to – it is lovely that he works for himself and can be flexible when suddenly I am less so.
Does it make me sad? Yes, I’d be lying if I said it did not. My mom was a SAHM, and it was amazing for us as kids. I have enjoyed being home with my little ones so much, they rock my world. And IF we had the income, or if being an illustrator was as lucrative as it was say in the 80’s, or IF I could depend on companies to pay on time (or at all) for all my jobs – I would stay home. That is a lot of IF’s. I like that my place of employ pays me to stay on top of marketing trends, design software and to use my brain for more than keeping track of how many clean diapers are left and when I will have to wash them again (BTW, I still have to do that as well).
In all honesty there were things I disliked about being home. I disliked making lunch. I disliked the pile of dishes we created all day long. Sometimes I even disliked 3:00pm cause it was still 4 hours to bedtime.
Being back at work has made me realize a few things… I don’t have to do it all. REVOLUTIONARY.
Being back at work allows my kids the space they need to explore other relationships – without me.
Being back at work means I get a whole lunch hour to myself – I can run, go to the gym, go shopping, go out for lunch or just update my blog.
Being back at work means I get to dress up and I have a reason to buy those new boots I have wanted for the last couple of years.
There are so many wonderful things about being home with your kids – which is why I have been for almost 4 years out of the last 6. But on the other side of the coin – the work side – it’s not so bad. When you have a job you love, people that respect you (and don’t spit up on you) and hot coffee on hand, being back at work is kind of… FUN.